8:06 PM, I've Been Housing All This Doubt And Insecurity
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
We're living on rocks.
Never been smooth.
You're saying this, i'm saying that.
All these disputes, misunderstandings on the frequent.
Im still learning the basics of understanding.
Like when the littlest things are being made an issue and i get a little upset?
I go back to the day when my mum taught me anger controllation.
And from there, i make things better for myself.
Then there are the chasing games.
Chasing games like those games little kids play.
You know?
The very first time you play, its like exciting.
The excitement of,
"Ohmygod, i totally screwed things up! Will he call back? Did i make him mad? Is he gonna call back? Please don't let him be mad with me. I was just testing! Please call me back!"
And then you spend hours just staring at your phone, waiting for the call or text.
And when you don't get the call or text, you're like,
"Oh damn, i screwed up. Now he hates me."
And in extreme cases, you CRY.
But i've never cried over little arguments before.
"She's a tough nut to crack! She never cries!"
Yeah, shutup Al.
Its not that i've never cried.
I just dont do it in front of people.
Someone once said that if anyone could make me cry, she would pay that person a million bucks.
What she didn't know was that, she was the First Person to make ME cry.
Cool or what.
Anyway, i've been there a million times in my teenage life.
The waiting and chasing.
Million (yes, i can count).
The first time is always a little bit of thriller.
The first time is always a little bit of thriller.
Like, you wait and stare at your phone with so much anticipation that it kinda stings your heart after a while.
But when it happens on the frequent,
its like -_-
WTH's up with that expression but, really.
I can't find the words to describe.
You're pissed, you're hurt, you feel neutral.
I know, who am i to say this right?
Since i've made people feel like that.
But it is kinda mutual you know.
I've chased around too.
I really cant tell for how long i've chased people around.
Totalling with last time, its fair to say that i'm starting to get out of breath.
And with this post, i dont know what im trying to bring across.
I don't have a point, truth be told.
I just can't help remembering those times when i would argue so much with the people i love.
How it used to sting so much, till i stay up all night,
just writing in my diary...
