2:31 AM, DESPERATE FOR CHANGING
Thursday, June 26, 2008
School resumed a few days ago, and it was.... lets see, revitalising?
I guess that has got to be the most suitable word to describe life eversince school started.
Kind of fresh, a new start, a new beginning to books.
But i wont lie, im pretty pissed at the same time.
Where are the hot teachers that i had once fantasised about coming to teach me?
I guess i should have realised that the word im using is fantasised. Which is link to Fantasy.
Its all a fantasy. It wont come true. Screw it, im always doing stuff like this.
It has only been three days into school and im finding it a little too hard to adapt to things. I dont know. It seems that my mind will find a way to wander off to somewhere other than Cubes and Pyramids every maths lesson. I am worried and i swear i am trying.
Its not that im not trying to be a better student to my teachers. I am trying.
But like they say, not every try is successful.
Maybe im just not trying hard enough. And so i will. Try, at least.
I hate it that i'm so damn cliched to myself. This heart of mine is always doing predictable things. Like, i can guess when it's going to hurt someone or something like that. And even so, i cant summon up enough strength to stop it from doing so.
I know exactly when im getting myself in a mess, and the thing is, i let myself fall into it and i let myself get trapped, forgetting that the only way of getting out of it, is to hurt others.
I dont know why im this way either. I like to write everything off as a phase, something like puberty.
But im fourteen, i know im done with puberty.
Maybe its just a phase. It should be so.
I've been trying to get in touch with my emotions and i realise that my emotions are definitely getting a little more intense. I'm a little more affected by little things. Not to say that i'm over-sensitive. I mean, i just sense that there's a swift change of emotions in me. You see, i was just thinking of something a few days ago. Just thinking, i didnt even see anything. And suddenly, i felt this sudden urge to fling something against the wall. I felt that intensity raging in me and i felt like i had to let it all out or i would explode. I dont know why.
Phasephasephasephasephasephasephase. I hope so.
Cheer up Natt. (:
its very true that we all fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming
