2:07 AM,
Saturday, March 29, 2008
i'm realising it now..this isnt funny anymore..this whole crappy shit that i am in isnt funny..i used to laugh at myself when i think of this crap but now,im realising that its not very laughable after all..
sometimes i wonder why this darling brain of mine has to know so many things..i really do wonder..i think i know too much..and while sometimes thats a good thing,other times its more of a hindrance..like right now,knowing these many things,is a damn irritating hindrance..
i only care about one thing now and that is getting myself out of this crappy shit..
i dont know how,i dont know when,i dont know if i could,and if i actually should..
see its not that i dont know anything..its not that im ignorant..
i think that i'm caring too much,i'm being too UNignorant..
so thats why,when these questions come to me,i just try my best to block them all out..
and to block them all out,what i can say to people and to myself is,"i dont know."
i feel sorry for myself now..im not asking for sympathy but really,if u think of it,self pity brings tears more quickly to the eyes then anything else..
and only now i'm realising that..
gosh,i want to sleep pleasantly..i want to close my eyes and rock myself in pleasant dreams..i dont want nightmares..im so tired of waking up and having very vivid suicidal images of unknown people in my head..it freaks me out..
goodness me,life can be a freaking chore.
no,really.
rock myself in pleasant dreams tonight.
2.18a.m.
goodnight.
