4:03 PM,
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sometimes,you just want to let go of things and not think of anything at all.
So you do.But then u get reminded of your problems and stuff and you get upset.
I am not happy.I'm reminded of my problems.Unconsciously,I told stuff that I don't normally talk about,to this someone.
She got like,mad at me,she shouted at me.I got mad at what the fact is,and I shouted back at her.She got fed up,said she didn't want to talk to me any longer.
I kept quiet.Then I laughed and I laughed and laughed at the absurdity of things.I had a talk with this girl a few days ago.This girl,I know she's just trying to help.She asked questions,she reasoned with me and all my mouth could find to say was:
I Don't Know.
I know she's fed up with talking to me that day.But I'm just that kind of person.
You won't have a good time talking to me about my problems cos all I would find to say is I Don't Know.
Maybe its not really because I Don't Know.Maybe I DO know,just that I don't want YOU to know.
Alrighty,I'm talking big crap,aren't i?
Okay,so I'll just cut things down short and write WHAT I MISS.
You guys,who are tired of ur lives,must identify with what I'm gonna write.
I miss those times.I miss those times when not a shit matters,when I'm so careless about things,When all I care about is having fun.I miss thise times when its alright to be ignorant,when I have every right and reason to smile and laugh.I miss being six,when whatever I do doesn't matter,when I don't have to go through this stupid Life Maze and decide where I fit and realise that where I actually fits suck.
I miss life when everything is good,when I had it all so perfect,just that I didn't realise.I miss that kind of life.
I want it back,I want to be six again.But I'm fourteen,not fecking six.
The life that I want is just a damn fantasy.I just have to go through the reality now.The reality where all these things are happening so fast,at the same time,that it seems wildly impossible to grab onto them.Even school is getting boring,everyone around me is changing,my friends are all stressed and destroyed and crying by this thing called LOVE,and....I just feel like I don't belong anywhere.And I'm feeling this way only because I'm starting to care about what's going on in my life and I'm starting to realise that life is not all totally random after all.I mean,I can just let go of things but I'm worried that I might not have the balls to pick them back up again.Hmpf,look at me,getting all whiny and sickly pathetic about my life.I've never felt this way before.Like very happy and then suddenly so down.Now that I'm feeling it,I'm just so struck by it.
I'm tired of putting a fake damn smile on my face when inside,I'm dying so badly.
I'm tired of thinking too much and I'm tired of whining.
I'm tired of complaining and I know you guys are tired of reading this piece of shite here so I’ll just stop.
Because if anything happens,its my life.You guys laugh,you guys synpathise,I laugh too but in the end,whose life is it?
Mine.
So, I'll stop complaining about how sucky things are and I'll just try looking at the bright side of things.
Even if there's no bright side,I'll look at the BETTER side of things.
Hmmmmm,I think I'm feeling better already!
:)
Im sitting here,staring into space,thinking of the one thing that i should stop thinking about.
SHANE...
:)
