4:06 PM,
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Right now,I'm at the point of time where giving up seems like the easiest thing to do.I have so much going on around me and i'm just trying to grab onto them but they are like slipping away.I mean,like literally.I'm so tired.I just don't want to do this anymore.I can't go thru this kind of hell anymore.I'm not exaggerating and this is no song lyrics okay.It really is what i'm feeling everyday.I wanna give up.I just want to go and stand in the middle of the whole school and drop my books and never ever pick them up again.Yeah,i'm going thru that kind of hell.I don't understand a freaking thing that's taught in class and its not the teacher's fault.Its my fault.I'm trying so hard to concentrate,to think of only the books but my mind keeps fluttering away to somewhere else.To something i can't stop thinking about.To my issue,to my problem.To me.I keep thinking about me.No,this is no case of narcissism.I'm thinking of the problem that i'm facing.I don't wanna tell no one.I'm not ready to.Their reaction-i don't wanna see.Don't ask me to share my problems.I won't.I'll figure things out for myself.And my friends,if u guys are reading this,u guys don't have to pretend to be concerned alright.Its okay,but my problems-i can freaking handle it myself.I don't like to burden people with my issues.So if its possible,just back off when problems are concerned.I appreciate the concern,alright but really,i can handle things on my own.
Depression?Me,hah,i know,i pretty much SOUND like i have depression.Okay,that word is way too extreme.I'm not depressed,i'm just stressed.About what,u ask?
About life,generally.School life,MY life,who i AM.
Pathetic huh?yeah,i guess you can say that.I keep saying i don't care,i keep TELLING myself i don't care,and for a while,i actually believed it.
I actually believed that i don't care.Then i look around me and i see my surroundings and i picture myself with the people around me and i realise.
I DO CARE.
I DO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME AND WHO I AM.
I wanna say i don't give a damn,i wanna say that life rocks.I'm DYING to say that but i just can't.
I'm freaking out about so many things.I'm so afraid.
My life is really slipping away,and i don't wanna go the easy way out.I don't wanna give up but at this point of time,giving up seems best.
P.S:If u think i'm gonna slash my wrists or commit suicide,u are MAD!I'm not that stupid.I might have problems but i DON'T do that kind of thing.Slashing and suicide is unlogical.Stupid way out.
P.P.S:I will be fine(i'm writing this and saying this out to myself to make me believe that i will,indeed,be fine)
Pray for me.Pray that i'll be fine,'kay.
I'm so afraid.
